Embarrassing Crushes
by Marie Tomas
Summary: Sam and Dean get drunk and share a few embarrassing stories. When they ask each other about their most embarrassing crushes from when they were younger, the answers that they both give are kind of...surprising.


**Disclaimer:** Sam, Dean (and any embarrassing crushes that they may or may not have) belong to the creators and writers of Supernatural.

 **Notes/Warnings:** This story may be Sam/Dean, but it's definitely non-explicit. It's mainly focused on a drunk but cute conversation between the brothers about their most embarrassing crushes. (It's also posted on my Ao3 account.)

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 **Embarrassing Crushes**

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Sam Winchester was definitely drunk.

There were several obvious giveaways to his current state of drunkenness, the main ones being that his and Dean's motel room now looked kind of blurry, and when he stood up a few minutes ago to go get more beer, it was as though the room span around a little, and it was kind of difficult to walk in a straight line.

Dean's lame jokes had also started to seem hilarious, and when Dean finished his beer and suggested that they play a game of Truth or Dare-which had now turned into a game of Truth and more Truth and mainly involved Dean goading Sam into sharing a lot of embarrassing stories about his past while Dean laughed at him-Sam had thought that it sounded like the _best idea ever_. If that wasn't a sign of being drunk, then Sam didn't know what was.

However, the main reason why Sam just _knew_ that he'd had too much to drink was because he was pretty certain, based on past experience, that if drunk-Dean had asked sober-Sam to tell him about his most embarrassing crush, he would have instantly said no, or come up with a smart answer, or changed the subject, or made up some sort of excuse, some sort of semi-plausible story to get out of ever having to answer the question.

Yet drunk-Sam had done none of the above, and drunk-Sam was also quickly discovering that remaining silent, ducking his head and blushing bright red like a teenager was pretty much the equivalent of holding out a plate of pie to his older brother and then expecting to snatch it away before Dean could get his hands on it. It just wasn't going to happen.

He could practically see Dean's eyes light up, and, as drunk as he was, he couldn't miss the devious grin, and the muttered, "This is gonna be good…" and he knew that there was _no way_ that Dean would let this drop now.

"Ah come on, Sammy, " Dean pestered him with a smirk, "you gotta tell me! I promise I won't laugh…much."

At Dean's words, Sam folded his arms, shook his head and tried to sink down even further into the motel room sofa that they were both sitting on, as though the uncomfortable furniture could offer him some sort of protection, as though he was actually going to get out of this just by sulking like a kid.

He wished that they'd gone out to a bar after their hunt instead of taking beers back to their motel room, so that this 'game' would never have happened. He also wished that he hadn't suggested after their last argument that they needed more brotherly bonding time, because it looked like his brother might just throw that suggestion back in his face.

Then, to make things worse, Dean started to offer random guesses about who he thought Sam's embarrassing crush had been, from Sam's old college professors, to a few of the strippers they'd actually ended up talking to after Dean dragged Sam to strip clubs, and even a few demons they'd hunted.

"What can be more embarrassing than a demon?" Dean asked him after Sam finally snapped and told his older brother to shut up.

Sam wanted to tell him that there was definitely one crush that was more embarrassing than a liking for demons, one crush that would no doubt lead to years of mocking and annoying jokes from his older brother, or maybe a lot of awkwardness and uncomfortable silences, depending on Dean's reaction. But he knew that saying all of that stuff would make it too obvious, so he vowed to stay quiet for as long as possible, hoping that Dean would get bored, or take pity on him and just let it go.

"Please, Sammy?" Dean begged, using his own version of the puppy-dog eyes. "I thought you said earlier that you _wanted_ us to share our feelings more, or some other similar line taken straight from a chick flick…"

Sam was pretty sure that he had said something along the lines of wanting them to share more beers and more good times and confide in each more when they were going through difficult times with their hunts, so that they could avoid their usual arguments when things got too much. He was also pretty sure that he had _never_ told Dean that he wanted the two of them to share awkward stories about their feelings for their embarrassing crushes while playing a weird game of Truth or Dare.

Sober-Sam would have been able to tell Dean all of this, but drunk-Sam couldn't get that many words out coherently, he couldn't form a decent argument, and drunk-Sam apparently wasn't as immune to Dean's 'charms' and 'power of persuasion' as sober-Sam was, because-

"Wasyou."

The words came out so quietly that Sam almost believed and hoped that he hadn't actually said them out loud.

"Huh?" Dean asked with a confused frown.

"It was you," Sam muttered again, looking right at Dean, before Dean's widening of the eyes and then his shocked expression mixed in with fond amusement got too much, and Sam had to look down again.

Sam wasn't embarrassed because his childhood crush had been a guy, he was embarrassed because that guy had been _Dean_ , and because Dean would make this confession as awkward as possible.

"Seriously, Sam?" Dean asked him, now sounding like he was trying hard to hold back his laughter.

"Shut up, Dean!" Sam snapped, feeling mortified that he'd actually told Dean about his crush, and wondering why it bothered him so much that Dean had got him to share this secret, why it annoyed him so much that Dean found it funny. "I was only a kid!"

"Relax, Sammy," Dean told him, his tone now sounding more reassuring than mocking, just like when they were kids and Dean was trying to comfort him or calm him down. "You gonna tell me why? Or do I have to wait until the next time I get you drunk?"

"I dunno," Sam shrugged, his face practically burning with embarrassment. He wanted to stop talking, wanted to avoid giving Dean a lifetime's worth of older-brother mocking material to tease him with, but the alcohol just wouldn't let him. "I guess at some point when I was a kid I heard that people married the person they loved the most, and back then I thought that the person who I married would be you…didn't think there could ever be anyone else. I'm pretty sure I told Bobby once that you and I were gonna get married so we could always be together..."

"So romantic, Sammy!" Dean laughed, jokingly placing his hand over his heart.

"Whatever, Dean!" Sam yelled in exasperation and embarrassment. "We were _kids_ , and it's not like I was close to many other people; hell, it's not like we even spent much _time_ with other people...and uh I kind of thought that you were cool, back then; wanted to be just like you."

He saw something soften in Dean's expression. "That's cute, Sam, but I don't think you can really count that as a crush."

Of course, sober-Sam would agree, knowing that Dean's comment was the perfect get-out, the quickest way to acknowledge that it was just Sam being a little possessive as a kid with the person he cared about the most, and then they could move on to another question and never mention any of this again, but unfortunately, drunk-Sam just _had_ to keep going-

"Then, when we were a little older, I used to get kind of jealous when you held hands with pretty girls. You always used to hold _my_ hand when we walked home together, and I was scared that some girl would take my place." Sam knew that he would never say any of this sober, but thanks to the lack of inhibitions brought on by a few too many beers, and maybe also the intense feeling of relief that he and Dean were here, together, after resolving one of their recent arguments, the words fell easily from his lips, the memories all came back to him, like they had stayed hidden deep in his subconscious mind, but were still as clear as if they happened yesterday. The feelings of admiration, jealousy and the fear of losing his brother still lingered in Sam's thoughts.

"One day," Sam continued, "I looked out of my bedroom window and I saw that you were outside, kissing a girl on the lips. And uh, I guess I used to think about what it would be like if you did that to me; I wondered if I would like it, and if you would like it too, and if I could somehow be better, cooler than the girls you dated, and if that would stop you from leaving me for ever to go get married to a woman when you were grown up."

Sam finally managed to stop himself from talking, even though it was difficult to regain any sort of control in his drunken state, and even though he had a feeling that he'd already said too much, given too much away, shared something about his childhood feelings that he was sure no other kids had experienced when it came to their older siblings, as innocent as the whole thing had been in Sam's head at the time.

Dean muttered something that sounded a lot like 'jealous' and 'bitch', but there was definitely something… _different_ in his older brother's expression now, something more serious, more intense, like he was watching Sam more closely, and annoyingly, it was enough to encourage drunk-Sam to keep going.

"I used to hate it, when you went out on dates, because it always seemed like we did everything together, but that was the one and only part of your life that I couldn't share with you. Sometimes, when you were out on a date, I used to imagine that you took me with you, just me, even though I never really understood what dates were all about before I was a teenager. I used to imagine that you brought me flowers, like you did for all those girls…"

"You wanted me to wine and dine you, Sam?" Dean interrupted him with a grin. "Treat you like a princess?"

With that, Sam lunged at Dean and the two of them were wrestling on the sofa; well, if two drunken adult men half-heartedly pushing and pinching each other could really count as wrestling.

Next minute, Dean was on top of Sam, tickling him as he continued to mock him. "So adorable, Sammy!" he taunted as his fingers danced all over Sam's ribs and Sam was forced to laugh while he tried to push Dean away. "You wanted me all to yourself? You get all hot and embarrassed thinking about your big brother?"

"S-shut up!" Sam managed to choke out between his gasps of laughter as Dean went to tickle his sides. "I'm t-talking about when we were k-kids…s'not like I t-think about it now!"

Dean finally had mercy on Sam and stopped his tickle attack.

"Sure you don't, Sammy," he muttered with a wink and a grin before he stood up and staggered to the other side of the room to grab another beer, leaving Sam gasping for breath.

Dean even went outside for a little while after he took a long drink of his beer, saying something about needing fresh air.

As soon as Sam pushed himself back up into a seated position, Dean came back into the room and sat back down next to him, sitting a lot closer this time. He even nudged his knee against Sam's in what felt like an affectionate gesture, and the two of them grinned at each other, almost shyly.

Sam decided that they should get drunk more often, because they never really did the whole play fighting and affectionate touching thing when they were sober, and Sam was kind of enjoying it. He tried to appreciate the moment and not think about how much he would regret all of this in the morning, when he would be tired and hungover and Dean would probably still be tormenting him.

"Don't worry, Sammy," Dean told him with another wink, ruining the moment, "your secret's safe with me."

Sam knew that Dean was only joking, but still, it kind of bothered him that Dean was talking about this crush in the present tense. Because Sam _didn't_ think about it anymore, he really didn't. Not when he was sober, anyway. It was just a phase, just a confusion of feelings and affection back when he was a kid, and all of his adult crushes had definitely been women. It was just an embarrassing story to tell his older brother when he was drunk, or a cute story about a strong brotherly bond, depending on how Dean wanted to interpret it.

He wanted to say all of this, because he wanted to disagree with Dean's comments, but he couldn't find the right words to explain himself. Apparently drunk-Sam could only speak clearly when it came to confessing embarrassing secrets.

"What about you?" Sam asked Dean after his older brother mocked him for a few more minutes.

" _What_ about me?" Dean replied, sounding kind of confused.

"Dude, come on, I just told you about my embarrassing crush; I think that you should get your turn, now. All's fair in Truth or Dare, right?"

Surprisingly, it was Dean's turn to blush and duck his head, looking more innocent and vulnerable and shy than Sam had ever seen him look, and Sam couldn't help but watch his reaction in fascination.

"Come on, Dean, it can't be as embarrassing as mine," Sam pleaded with him as Dean shook his head, and Sam tried using the puppy-dog eyes to maximum effect.

After Dean attempted to stare him out for a couple of minutes, Sam eventually heard a sigh of defeat.

"Fine, it was uh…Dr. Sexy," he heard Dean whisper.

"Huh?" Sam asked his brother, even though he had heard Dean's answer clearly.

He knew that he should be more shocked, more taken aback that Dean had a crush on a guy, albeit a fictional guy, especially after what felt like _years_ of Dean flirting with women at bars and at strip clubs, and all of the times when Sam had been forced to listen to stories of Dean's 'wild' nights with women in explicit detail; but somehow, maybe due to the evening's alcohol intake, Sam didn't find the confession all that surprising.

"Why him?" he continued, deciding that in spite of Dean's obvious embarrassment, it was okay to press for more information, after what Dean had just put him through, and also because he was kind of curious to hear Dean's answer.

He half-expected Dean to laugh, or make some sort of joke about 'bromances' or cowboy boots, but Dean still looked deadly serious, and Sam wondered if there was a lot more to this embarrassing crush than simple admiration or hero-worship of another male.

This time, the silence stretched out for longer, which only heightened Sam's curiosity.

It was enough time for Sam to notice a couple of flowers on the sofa that seemed to have appeared in the room from out of nowhere, and he wondered if Dean had picked them from somewhere near the parking lot when he went outside, probably as a way of teasing Sam about his ' I used to imagine that you brought me flowers' comment.

Maybe it was just a joke, but for some reason, Sam's heart started beating a little faster, and he had to suppress the urge to grin, or smirk like he'd just been given the best gift ever, and then he started to worry that maybe a few thoughts from his past had never really gone away; maybe they'd just stayed buried, somewhere deep in Sam's subconscious mind, waiting for alcohol to unearth them.

Before he noticed the flowers, he could plausibly have put all of these feelings down to a strong bond, or platonic admiration, but now, things felt kind of weird.

The silence continued, and it got to the point where Sam was convinced that Dean was going to be stubborn and refuse to respond; but then, to Sam's surprise and amazement-

"Because he looks like you..."


End file.
